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For a Good Time, Read Paralegal Want Ads on Craigslist

For a Good Time, Read Paralegal Want Ads on Craigslist

Ya’ll know I don’t get paid for writing a paralegal blog, right? So why do I do it? Because it’s FUN. Besides, it’s led me to my new nerdy hobby: collecting amusing Craigslist legal ads. Some of these guys ought to consider standup comedy.

A San Francisco attorney is desperately seeking Susan, I mean, looking for a temporary paralegal, and does not mince words about his situation: “I am being papered to death. I’ll pay for someone to help me through this maze.” No salary stated, but I bet the applicant who finds him under that crush of paper can name her price.

A Rockville, Maryland attorney starts his ad with a literal cry for help, “My secretary broke her leg!” Her understudy, I mean, temporary replacement, can start yesterday at triple the going rate.

Talk about glorified job titles, a Maryland law firm is seeking a “Director of First Impressions”. For us regular Joes, that’s a receptionist. But the firm gets bonus points for offering “invaluable training/involvement/experience for someone who may aspire to become a legal assistant or paralegal.”

A Washington, DC firm seeking a Legal Administrative Assistant describes The Boss as follows: “The partner is extremely busy and is looking for an assistant that can thrive while working for a demanding partner.” For those of you new to translating legal want ads, when a partner is described as demanding from the get-go, his non smiling professional headshot is right beside the word “demanding” in the dictionary. Don’t be distracted by the use of the word “fabulous” to describe benefits later in the ad. He is not the warm and fuzzy type. Consider yourself doubly forewarned by the phrase “flexibility for overtime needed”.

But I bet that Washington, DC “demanding” partner has nothing on THIS demanding employer. A New York “boutique” law firm is looking for someone VERY special (typos left “as is”):

Small, boutique law firm looking for a smart, hardworking, driven, personable, and motivated intern to work 15 hours a week. Must be entering third year of law school or recent law grad. Skills required are excellent writing, organization, and good adminstrative skills. Intern will assist managing partner in brief writting, client meetings, court appearances, the drafting of newsletters, articles, lectures, presentations, and the planning of events. Experience in marketing, public relations, and knowledge of inner workings of social networking sites (Linkedin, Facebook, Twitter, & YouTube) a plus. Must have a PDA (i.e., blackberry, Iphone, etc.) and can work, for the most part, remotely.

This position is available immediately. Must be in top 1/3 of class; top law school and law review/journal experience a plus. Please forward all resumes.

I thought maybe the number of hours required per week might’ve been accidentally transposed, and it’s supposed to be 51 hours per week, not 15. Somehow the list of job duties and the requirement for smartphone access make me suspect that the intern that takes this job might be lucky if he or she has 15 hours a week left to sleep…

2 Responses to For a Good Time, Read Paralegal Want Ads on Craigslist

  1. Nothing can be lost in vain if one does the work passionately. In my every days life I found a new meaning of our old proverb “work is worship”. And your practical knowledge is much much more worthwhile than what you have got it theoretically. I am seeing a great opportunity in the advertisement of the attorney, San Francisco. And I definitely know an intelligent brain can make it into cash.

  2. This is not quite on point, Lynne, but I'm interested in the apparent overlap of lawyer and paralegals suggested here.
    I wonder if my comment here strikes you as interesting. Did you know that more than one of the several books on living with Attention Deficit Disorder I have recently read suggested "trial lawyer" as a suitable career? Can you imagine the same suggestion being made with respect to "paralegal" or "legal assistant"?

Contact Info:

Lynne J. DeVenny, N.C. State Bar Certified Paralegal

Owner & Virtual Paralegal, DeVenny Paralegal Services

Email: lynne.devenny[at]gmail.com

Telephone: 336-582-0003

Inquiries are welcome, with free quotes available.

Meet Lynne:

Lynne DeVenny is a North Carolina State Bar Certified Paralegal with over 27 years of experience working on complex litigation cases, including medical malpractice, personal injury, workers’ compensation, and Social Security disability.

Disclosure: I am not a lawyer and cannot provide legal representation or legal advice.

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