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I Swear

I Swear

Before you go any further, seriously I do swear often once in a while too much when it’s the perfect word choice, um, yeah, that last one. So you might want to stop now if swearing offends you. I’m not offended that you’re offended, I’m just raising a possible language alert.

Dressed for going to the GoodWill and the grocery store
The Deets: Gap shirt (gift from Megan Mae! I commented on a post where she was wearing it that I wanted it, and so it was. I’ma see if this works on other bloggers, too…); Polka dot maxi skirt (Karina Dresses but discontinued); Swear necklace (Wendy Brandes Jewelry); Saks 5th Avenue flats (needing some rehab); Vintage silver hinged bracelet (eBay)

I think I’ve told you guys I have an Age 50 Style Bucket List. You might be surprised by one of the items I really, really wanted: a Wendy Brandes swear necklace. But my bucket list should also include the word budget, and I don’t normally invest in pieces that I can’t wear to work (law office, to new readers).

So I marked a piece of WendyB swear jewelry off my Age 50 Style Bucket [Budget] List, and just longed from afar. Some of y’all pro’bly take the position it is not nice to swear, but in real time, I’m a Potty Mouth Gurl, with an unseemly interest in pop culture. (Heya, Perez! And hey, WendyB!) Before you judge me, I also have an associate membership to The Met.

Best pic I could get of WendyB necklace (at least I’m not swearing for posterity on th’ Internetz)

So why do I own a piece of WendyB jewelry, when I have a tight budget and can’t wear swear jewelry to work?

Because the day we received the news that The Teen had a stroke, carotid artery stenosis (to which everyone says, “My grandpa has that!” Yes, but she’s 16), and needs to attempt a bone marrow transplant if a donor can be found, I needed something physical to hold onto, to be my mantra and my comfort piece. I know some peeps go for religious items, and I do think many of them are pretty, but they are definitely not me. Remember, I’m a Potty Mouth Gurl, and right now, I have a keen interest in British expletives. (If you know any good ones, PLEASE share in the comments.) But I digress.

If you think I look dopey, you should see me after one drink at a party 😛

On the day(s) we got all that overwhelming news, I didn’t cry (that took Make-a-Wish calling) but I did go to my computer and order Wendy’s swear necklace (for which I have not felt one ounce of guilt). For purposes of professional blogging and possible future employment prospects, we’ll call it the I*Don’t*Give*A*Flip necklace. Whenever peeps (surprisingly a great many) ask what the letters stand for, I smirk and say it’s the initials of my dogs, my cats, and my pet hamster. Mostly they say, “Cool.” No, I don’t have a hamster.

I can’t find the message I sent to Wendy with the order, but I know it went something like this:

Wendy, I’m ordering this necklace as my reminder that I don’t give a [flip] what the world thinks of me, because I am doing the very best I can. I am a strong woman, and I will handle what Life throws my way. So, Life, I don’t give a flip, bring it ON.

The Absent-Minded Professor said loosen up.

Like Life gives a shit. Whoops.

I love it best of all my jewelry. It’s so delicate and fine, yet so freakin’ fierce and empowering. Guys, I don’t have time to cry, all I have time to do is fight back.

So, which of you is dumping my blog for swearing? So, so sorry – come back later when me talk pretty soon!

43 Responses to I Swear

  1. You ARE a strong woman and I love this necklace and what it represents for you. It's perfect. I am not dumping your blog for swearing, I'm staying right here – be who you are – beautiful, strong and amazing.

  2. Badass, Lynne! And color me jealous, love the necklace!! That shirt totally suits you. I think it'll be a lot happier at home with you. I'm hoping to send on more goodies to you this week!

    I'm sorry things went tits up for the Teen, but I am sending lots and lots of good wishes to her.

    I'm way more likely to stick with a blog who goes for the swear word instead of censoring themselves. I mean, shit dammit fucking hell… it's okay, and sometimes necessary. 😉

    Keep rockin, love, you're awesome!

    (as for British expletives, you'll have to sniff out some English bloggers for that)

  3. Go girl! If anyone deserves this necklace it's you! I am a firm believer in swearing when necessary. I am a total potty mouth too. I love your necklace! And I am a firm believer in the WB jewelry line (though I wish I could afford it too) as well as the IDGAF saying.

  4. I'm glad you are enjoying the necklace! You know it gives me strength! I've worn it hidden under a turtleneck when I need a boost in scary situations. I tell myself — gotta live up to the necklace and take a chance.

    Feel free to tell people it means "Is Daphne Guinness All Fashion?" 😛

    Sending good thoughts to your Teen, as always.

  5. So how is the teen now? And be careful about naming anything George. It was my dad's name and I named our Easter ducklings George every year. They promptly died. I finally learned.

  6. Dear Lynn,

    This is the first time I've read your blog. You are beautiful and eloquent. I love your Wendy Brandes necklace, IDGAF – and feel your empowerment. I know from experience how a Wendy B. makes you feel. It's totally a budget item, even if you buy one of the $2000 pieces – when you figure what else can give so much happiness per day vs. how many calories it has. As a mom, I empathize with what you feel for your teen, a sick child, is indeed the worst pain one can go through. And my dear, you and The Teen are in your readers prayers – and thoughts. xoxoox Nathana NYC

  7. Hah! My blog, even though the occasional, reasonably tame, 4-letter word does happen, is in no way an accurate representation of my foul mouth.

    I'm so glad you got this necklace to help you get through such a difficult time. I'm rooting for you all from the other side of the Atlantic. (Fifteen+ years of expatriate life in the UK has led me to conclude that the most satisfactory British term of abuse is 'w*nker,' which I deploy very frequently!)

  8. I am hugging you for swearing! (And I have my eyes on that very same necklace). Sorry about all the bad health news for your daughter, and yes you are a strong woman. And you look great whilst loosening up.

    Oh, my favorite Brit insult (sorry, not a curse)is from "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy: "You are a wanker; you are a tosspot; you are a very tiny piece of turd. Thank you." No one insults like a Brit!

  9. What? Only one "shit"? I'm disappointed! 🙂

    Anyone who dumps your blog after all the crap you've been through, for swearing, can stuff it.

    I'm so glad you got your "I Don't Give a Fudge" necklace (hee). Hang on, sweetie, and know that people are pulling for you. I think I sent you something recently (gawd, my brain).

    Hugs, thinking of you.

  10. Be strong, be stylish, be everything you need to be to get it all done for the Teen. I love the saying, "Not a single FLIP was given that day." Give no FLIPS!

    Holding fierce good thoughts for you, the Teen, and the rest of your family.

  11. That wasn't even swearing! But I love the fact that you just went and damn well ordered the necklace and that it helps you cope.

    I can think of so many British insults: wanker, tosser, prat, git (hard g), tw*t (rhymes with cat, but means the same as in US). Most of the other words are the same as ours, but Bloody is a good one to add to your vocabulary.

  12. I love Wendy's swear jewelry! I've loved her swear rings since I set eyes on them, but knew I couldn't invest that much in something I couldn't wear to work. Sometimes you just need to swear! My favorite is that F-word.;0)

  13. Oh Lynne, swear more, swear hard and long and loud! I am a foul-mouthed sweary Brit who is more than happy to give you lessons – not that I think you need them, judging by your choice of necklace! There comes a point where I Don't Give A Fuck is the only motto one can possibly choose, and having to face the fear and pain of your daughter's health troubles seems an ideal time to throw caution to the wind and just say what you feel, in the knowledge that compared with her well-being, not much else is actually worth giving a fuck about.
    So go, Sweary Lynne, say what you like, you're not shaking me off! Wanker is indeed a pleasing word to use, so is bollocks. Arsehole is in my top ten. There are many, many more, email me for an all-encompassing list.
    Those last two photos are stupendous! Keep dancing, keep giving not one single fuckitty fuck. xxxxxx

  14. (rolls up sleeves) Lynne, as an English Laydee, may I suggest:
    Blending words e.g. Absofuckinglutely, shitbuggerfuck, gottobefuckingjoking
    Calling those who irritate- bastards, pricks and at work, perhaps a sanitised version- dinkles?
    Specially for under breath muttering- you fucker

    Therefore I am sending you and your family, especially the teen, a fuckload of strength.

    I am a GREAT believer in talismans, and wear a Greek goddess every day for protection xxx

  15. I freakin' love your necklace. But I have to say, the title of this post caused "I Swear" by boyz II men to immedaitely become stuck in my head. Thanks….

    (I'm sending you guys a fuckload of strength too, LOL at Secret Squirrel)

  16. You are one amazing and spectacular woman. Wearing the WendyB necklace during perilous times sounds perfect to me and I'm with Amber as a swear-supporter. Thinking of you, The Teen and your entire family and hoping that the tide turns soon.

  17. This isn't British, but here's one my husband taught me: DILLYGAF. As in "do I look like I give a f*ck!" It even makes you feel better if you just shout it out loud once in a while. Go ahead–try it!

  18. I am a salty mouth! Swear worse than a sailor, and I love Wendy B jewelry! So I am so envious of your piece! I dream of my own collection of Wendy B swear rings!

  19. As a fellow WendyB swear necklace wearer (I have STFU) I totally get that it makes you feel strong and it seems perfect for helping to face a family health crisis. You and The Teen will be in my thoughts, and the next time I put on my STFU, I'll think of you and raise a fierce fist.

  20. I used to have a Finnish internet friend some many moons ago, and one thing he taught me that I've held onto is that the Finnish word for "fuck," vittu, is very satisfying to say in times of need. (Put extra emphasis on the first syllable for added relief.) IDGAV?

    As always, you and your dears are in my heart.

  21. I have a tendency to comment on your blog every time I read it… the only issue being that I tend to do it outloud… and then forget to type what I say (yes, your vision of me wrapped in a snuggie on the couch talking to my lap top is 110% accurate). Anywho… it's been heartbreaking hearing the snippets about The Teen, and I"m so glad you have found something to give you strength… and hours of enjoyment coming up with other sayings for it (If Dogs Get All Fleas? In distress, get a friend? I Deserve Greatness and Fortune!)

  22. Be strong, I hope everything would be ok. only 16, God! Sorry I'm still under the impression from this post. I mean it. A big impression. I'm coming back to say something for about an hour.

    I love the necklace, sometimes it's just the right time to make yourself feel better in such an odd way

  23. First have you ever heard french swearing, pretty nasty i tell you!
    I might look sweet but sorry to tell i swear like a sailor at times, piss me off and you will see or i should say hear!

    Love the WendyB collection! thanks for sharing! never heard about it!

    About your question concerning swaps – I guess you could easily organized a home version – It could be done among friends, everybody brings 5 or more pieces they don't wear anymore and are willing to swap with others – Izzy went to a home version while i was gone they were about 20 girls swaping clothes in one tiny room, they had a lot of fun-

  24. Absolute potty-mouth here too. I don't swear in front of my kids but I had to break my own rule today. A P-plater (rookie driver) overtook me on a a very quiet residential street and nearly knocked over a wee girl on a scooter. I continued at my same speed and noticed the driver pulling into a driveway so I slowed right down and screamed at him at the top of my voice, "you're a fucking dickhead!!!!" and continued my journey. I explained to the kids that it could easily have been one of them on that scooter as it was the very street their father lives on. Justified. As is your fabulous swear necklace!! I do hope The Teen is improving my lovely. xoxoxoox

  25. You'd need something far more radical than that for me to give up following you .. maybe become an axe murderer! !!! Enjoy your Wendy jewel … You deserve it …. You are strong and awesome and amazing

  26. Lynne, how did I miss this post?!! You said it. Wendy B. said it too, so eloquently, in that fantastic necklace. I'm glad you took it on.

    Clearly your fierceness shines through you style. And we were profiled together which I feel so fantastic about!! I'll put up my dukes with you and I can swear my head off too when needs be. Intense good thoughts for The Teen.

Contact Info:

Lynne J. DeVenny, N.C. State Bar Certified Paralegal

Owner & Virtual Paralegal, DeVenny Paralegal Services

Email: lynne.devenny[at]gmail.com

Telephone: 336-582-0003

Inquiries are welcome, with free quotes available.

Meet Lynne:

Lynne DeVenny is a North Carolina State Bar Certified Paralegal with over 27 years of experience working on complex litigation cases, including medical malpractice, personal injury, workers’ compensation, and Social Security disability.

Disclosure: I am not a lawyer and cannot provide legal representation or legal advice.

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