The Blog Formerly Known As Practical Paralegalism
I don’t keep a ton of chocolate around the house, but when Easter arrives (in America it starts the day after Christmas), and Cadbury Mini Eggs hit the shelves, I’m a woman of easy virtue, or maybe no virtue at all. Pretty much, I stockpile them in places no one in the family will look (like behind cleaning products) and I don’t share them.
That is totes pathetic, I know.
But last week, in a fit of virtuosity (I know that’s not the word for being incredibly virtuous, but it should be), I bought a bag of Mini Eggs, put them in a zip-lock freezer bag marked “to share”, and left them out on the kitchen table in the open.
Well, maybe not so much, since they were blocked by a bag of healthy Mandarin oranges. (hehehe, insert gleeful snort here)
I was the first to open them on Saturday, after they sat untouched for five days. It was probably the oranges, or the shopping bags I threw on top of the oranges. I ate, like seven Mini Eggs. Sooooo much virtuosity going on here.
Then I put them back on the kitchen table, zipped up tight in the freezer bag, and went to run a few errands with The Teen.
The first thing I noticed when we got back was the zip-lock bag on the kitchen floor – with its stomach savagely ripped out.
And by stomach, I mean Mini Eggs.
And then I saw the EMPTY Mini Egg bag.
And immediately thought, “OMGOMGOMG The Corginator is going to die of Mini Egg poisoning!!!!” (Only The Corginator would snarf an entire bag of chocolate at one sitting). I freaked out, and wrestled The Corginator to the ground to see if she was going into seizures. (BTW, she loved this.) No seizures and no remorse. Figures.
BUT…but…but…how did she get a whole bag of Mini Eggs – sealed in a freezer bag? She’s shaped like a loaf of bread with two-inch legs, and long past the age of jumping up on the table or the chairs. Even odder, everything else (interpret that as “awful mess”) was still on the table, including the shopping bags and the oranges. We figure the cat is involved, but we’re not sure how.
The solution to this problem is obvious. Hide your Mini Eggs and eat them all yourself.