|I Can Has Cheezburger Kitteh|
Admit it. When you went to paralegal school, you saw yourself graduating and accepting a position with a righteous law firm that paid top dollar and had its own expresso bar, but 97% of its caseload was pro bono work to avenge the poor and downtrodden. You’d run around in your Jimmy Choos, freeloading 16 chai spice lattes a day, a figuratively caped Paralegal Avenger, rescuing orphans and single mothers from the clutches of slumlords, and setting up non-profit organizations for Third World kittehs.
Okay, well maybe that was just me.
But if you still envision yourself as the Paralegal Avenger, I’ve got the paralegal posting for you, which I am sharing in all of its Craigslist glory, because it’s simply too good not to post verbatim:
Seeking Heroic Senior Paralegal/Office Manager
Newdorf Legal is a different kind of law firm looking for a different kind of full-time senior paralegal/office manager/masked avenger. We started this law firm with three goals: (1) provide top-notch trial work for our individual, business and public entity clients; (2) no creepy partners or associates, and (3) clear out the riff-raff from the Emerald City. We need your talent, skill and commitment (dare we say “devotion”?) to take this firm to the next level.
Ideal qualifications: former U.S. Supreme Court Justice (a Supreme Court clerkship may substitute for this experience with at least 10 years as a sitting associate or chief justice on a state court of last resort) or experienced caped crusader with a shock-and-awe costume. Minimum qualifications: four years of heavy-duty civil litigation work and a B.A. degree. (We’re a no B.S. employer.)
Additional qualifications: (1) You’re naturally organized and can’t abide a messy desk at your cubicle or in our offices. (2) You want to work with quality professionals in a classy Financial District office near BART (because who wouldn’t want a cube with a killer bay view?) and (3) highly tech savvy – NLNA (no Luddites need apply).
40 hours per week. Cover letter, resume. No telephone calls, please. “Masked Avenger” in the subject line.
Oh, Jeez, I think I’m drooling. These guys have a sense of humor. What’s the cost of living in the San Francisco Bay area? ‘Cause this firm has EVERYTHING.
No creepy lawyers. Check.
No B.S. Check.
A cube with a killer bay view. Check.
A hard on against Luddites. Check.
But if you want this job, please follow the application directions. Send your cover letter and resume to firstname.lastname@example.org – and include “Masked Avenger” in the subject line.
Source: A Practical Paralegalism reader and Facebook friend, Susan, sent this paralegal posting to me. Thank you, Susan – and keep the want ads coming!
Addendum: Susan didn’t apply for the job but sent an email saying how much she enjoyed the ad. She kindly shared the canned response:
—— Forwarded Message
From: David Newdorf <david+canned.response@
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2011 13:30:34 -0800
Subject: Re: Seeking Full-time Senior Paralegal/Masked Avenger (financial district)
Thank you for your message. Due to the many responses from masked avengers, caped crusaders and former Supreme Court justices, we are sequestered in a secure location reviewing applications. We cannot respond personally to every applicant. We will contact you if we need more information or to set up an interview. Good luck in your job search.
David B. Newdorf
220 Montgomery Street, Suite 1850
San Francisco, CA 94104