Or Telecommuting

I’ve been digitally out of the loop for most of the week, having succumbed to The Crud. Actually, I’m pretty sure I was in a fevered alternate pity party reality for at least two days, because I thought January 12 was next week, and well, it was yesterday.

Which I realized about 3 p.m. yesterday, along with the fact that I’d missed jury duty.

Which I might have realized sooner if my dumbphone’s battery hadn’t died the day before yesterday (disabling that super-annoying handy-dandy scheduler/reminder buzz), in part because I was so miserable I didn’t care if I never got another phone call or text again.

Which, to be absolutely frank, I don’t care if I never get another phone call or text again when I’m healthy.

But being slightly OCD about dead birds used books and toaster ovens to dos, like many of my paralegal readers, I immediately freaked out and called the jury clerk, who probably had already heard peeps croaking, “I’mm thick, I miffed jewry dooty, I thorry, pleath donth puth me in jailth.” at least 157 times before I called.

But I was sure a bench warrant for my arrest had been issued, and was prepared to offer to come to jury duty every day for a year in exchange for no jail time.

I’d like to say it was my real, as opposed to fake, croaking that got me off the hook, but it turned out my number was in the group excused the night before. Oh.

And an attorney friend pointed out, “Hey, I know the jury clerk really well, why didn’t you just call me?”

Because I work for attorneys, and that would be too easy. Right? Anyways, I’m not in jail, and I feel like a snot-filled goober, but hey, we all have those days. Right?

When I saw this video about how germs spread in an office, I thought of you guys. It is so believably gross – and so true.

I am never eating potato chips at my desk again. Or using the computer.

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