I’m psyched that I get to get my celebrity blog on (just a little) and link to TMZ. Booyah!

So here’s the scenario. You’re the indispensable paralegal working for Lindsay Lohan’s criminal lawyer, and in the fantasy world of woulda-coulda-shoulda do-overs, Lindsay calls you the day before her court appearance to face a charge of felony grand theft, and asks you what she should wear. (Assume your boss knows it’s Lindsay calling, and has instructed you to tell her that he’s indisposed due to a sudden flare-up of his hiatal hernia, which is actually the truth because he knows it’s Lindsay calling.)

You tactfully ask, “What are you thinking about wearing? A good dress code to consider for courtroom appearances might be something you’d wear to a job interview….or church.”

Lindsay excitedly burbles, “Oh, I’ve so got it! I’ll wear this awesome long-sleeved Kimberly Ovitz number in white, which stands for purity and innocence! And for sure, no jewelry, because no one will let me borrow any, what is up with that? I’ll just post a quick pic on Twitter, and you can check it out! Yay me!”

You are social media savvy and follow her on Twitter (because your boss makes you check her stream daily to help keep his hiatal hernia symptoms in check). You see this:

This is also available in black in case you are attending a funeral.    

While you are collecting your thoughts and your big words, Lindsay barks, “I haven’t got all day, I’m on my way to get a manicure, AWESOME CHOICE, because I look like a Vestal Virgin, right?”

Other than tactfully reminding Lindsay that the four-letter word manicure she wore to another court appearance flew like a canary with clipped wings, what are you going to suggest that Lindsay do?

“You GO, Girl!” or “OH. NO. YOU. ISN’T. GIRL.”?

Remember that Lindsay’s attention span is kinda short, and you have to be professional. What would you actually say to her?

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