Okay, this is more than one quote, but these real Courtroom Quotations recorded for posterity (yay for us, not so much for the lawyers) from Things People Said make me feel better about some of the times I’ve opened my mouth and inserted my foot:

Lawyer: “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”

[Not giving up.]

Lawyer: “So you were gone until you returned?”

* * *

Lawyer: “Were you alone or by yourself?”

[Um, could you repeat the question?]

* * *

Lawyer: “Were you present in the court this morning when you were sworn in?”

[I plead the Fifth. Unless you’ve got me on tape. Then it was my evil doppelganger, Bertrand. Man, I hate him.]

* * *

Lawyer: “Do you have any children or anything of that kind?”

[Does my dog count? No? Why the hell not?]

* * *

Lawyer: “You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?”

[Beam me up, Scotty. Now.]

* * *

Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”

[You betcha. Thanks for the heads up.]

Source: “Courtroom Quotations” (Things People Said)

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.