Thank God you don’t need a prescription for these.

Yes, you read that right. I’m formally whining. I admit it, I’ve got nothin’ left at the end of this day. We’ve had a series of both fortunate and unfortunate events at work, resulting in our little law firm being over-litigated and under-staffed. It happens, and it won’t be forever, but I find myself a little less optimistic lately (no rainbows or unicorns here, Paralegal Hell).

I even found myself wondering what I’d tell someone who contacted me for career advice (it’s happened) and really needed some tips to help prevent one of those mega-meltdowns you can’t take back. In other words, you absolutely can’t shriek, “I QUIT!” and flounce out the door like the fabulous unappreciated diva you are.

‘Cause your kids and four-leggeds like to eat. Oh. Wait. So do you.

Here’s my suggestion for handling those days. Buy a huge jumbo bag of M&Ms and eat them all by yourself. Chase them with your favorite wine. (But wait until you get home to drink the wine.)

Oh. Did I write that out loud?

Seriously, when I got home today, I started my fave mindless entertainment on the computer, which is stumbling upon. It’s like this little leprechaun in your browser that finds all the online stuff you really like to read and would never, ever in a million years stumble upon yourself, without the aid of magic.

So magic and/or an awesome algorithm helped me stumble upon the very list of things we should try saying at work when we want to say very bad things instead. I think a paralegal wrote them.  Here’s a few of my faves for a legal environment. It’s important to note that Paralegal A is having a psychotic break in front of the entire office, a packed waiting room of clients, and that nice old man who picks up the firm’s bank deposits. Paralegal B is quietly gobbling M&Ms at her desk, looking frazzled and forward to 5:00 p.m., and will get to come back to work tomorrow.

Paralegal A: And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?
Paralegal B: Perhaps I can work late.

Paralegal A: Why the f*** didn’t you tell me sooner?
Paralegal B: I’ll try to schedule that.

Paralegal A: F*** it, I’m on salary.
Paralegal B: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.

Paralegal A: He’s a pr*ck.
Paralegal B: He’s somewhat insensitive. 

Seriously, this is a good cheat sheet to keep handy at your desk for quick reference. If you’re a legal support staffer, there will come a day (maybe more than one) when you will need it.

Source:  tastefully offensive

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