When I saw “The Catch-All Cover Letter” written by a graduating Cornell senior, I thought I’d hit job application pay dirt for my readers. Which I kind of did, but only if you need a good belly laugh. For the newbies out there, read it, but don’t copy it. Repeat: don’t copy it just because it has a darned good summary of those essential Microsoft Office and newfangled social media skills desired by legal employers:

…I will therefore spend the next few hundred words explaining how my involvement in the Monopoly Club has prepared me for this position as a(n) [consultant/ research assistant/ paralegal/ office bitch/ barista/ dishwasher]. I also managed to successfully communicate the answers to a Chemistry test to my roommate last year, which has helped to sharpen my leadership skills, not to mention my ability to work as part of a team. I am also, like every other member of my generation, computer literate and proficient in Microsoft Word, Office, PowerPoint, Excel, Publisher, Access, Astonisher, Productivity Suite and Impresser, not to mention Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Photoshop and Spider Solitaire.

My favorite plug from the letter is, “…I am smart, hard working and genuinely interested in maintaining gainful employment, so I will try really hard not to fuck it up.”

Great line, but you still can’t use it in your cover letter.

Source:  The Cornell Daily Sun

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